The purpose of the study is to explore the psychological experiences of lesbians who are in a couple relationship. The phenomenological qualitative method was applied in this research. Data was collected via in-depth interviews with 14 lesbians who constituted 7 lesbian couples. Each couple consists of the same type of relationship: a tomboy-like woman or so called “Tom” and a lady-like woman or so called “Dy”. The content and context methods were used for data analysis. The findings revealed 5 major domains as followed:
1) Toms and Dys are different in their self–awareness of gender and sexual orientation. However, both have experienced their homosexual feelings stemming naturally from their inner self. 2) The numerous social prejudices that Toms and Dys were aware of come both from their families and outsiders. There are four ways in which Toms and Dys handle the social and family prejudices. These coping strategies are confrontation, avoidance, indifference, and understanding others.
3) The major sufferings of Toms and Dys are mainly derived from the social prejudices which cause 3 kinds of psychological conflicts between who they are by their nature and what society expects them to be. These conflicts are the self, role, and sexual orientation which put them in the state of confusion, anxiety, fear, pressure, stress, low self-esteem as well as suicidal tendencies in a few cases. 4) The 5 major supportive sources that help alleviate their sufferings are: themselves, their partner, their parents, their friends, and society. Their own self is the most important inner source of strength. Their partner is the source that provides the deepest acceptance and understanding on their unique identities. Their parents are the most essential source to support their inner strength and confidence for them to live in the prejudiced world and to grant liberties for them to develop their real self and progress their couple relationship as a family in the long run. Their friends are the most easily-accessed source of help and consolation. Society’s acceptance and understanding is a crucial source that can set them free from stigmatization and sufferings.
5) The happiness of Toms and Dys derives from their strong intimate bonding. They understand each other well, can communicate due to the empathetic feelings they share, are well-caring and take care of each other, are helpful, and are lovingly expressive. The intimate bonding has brought them many precious things in life: vitality, self-improvement, self-value, fulfillment, love and happiness.
