'He couldn't want so much water!' -- 'Why me?' -- When did you last hear an orange say 'ouch!'? -- 'You should be doing better' -- Eight square meals a day -- 'You could be worse off!' -- Famine to a feast -- Steering my own ship -- 'That!!' -- Living on my own -- But this is the hand I shoot with ...! -- Egg-sized potatoes and a cupful of crisps -- Nobody told the bumblebee ... -- 'Everything's alright ... ' -- Parting shots